Wednesday, August 18, 2010

Post-It: Monophobia

I have to say these listless days and restless nights in the intermission of my life have been most perplexing. I'm scared to be alone. Physically, it wouldn't bother me either way if I was next to someone or not, but if I was spiritually stranded, my heart would be in chaos. I've been learning how often I substitute your spiritual presence with the companionship of fellow believers. I suppose everyone has their own stimuli that keeps them from feeling alone. People may say that they don't mind being alone, but they must have never thought of it in the big picture. Everyday we surround ourselves with things that link us to people in this world. Facebook, Twitter, Email, and text message are new and extremely effecient ways that we can easily stay plugged into this world. Still, if anyone has managed to avoid the pull of social networks and instant messaging, than they most ceratinly haven't felt the anchoring feeling of mentally being isolated. Feeling like you are truly alone does not exclude the comfort of knowing someone out there cares about you, someone is thinking about you, someone out there would care if you were gone. Monophobia: the thought of being alone, or even the irrational fear of thinking you're alone or being away from a place or person that gives you a feeling of safety and security. The want in my heart is for me to recognize how deep your love goes. Even in my darkest place, your light shines. Heres my looming fear: if everyone around me were to all of a sudden forget about me, would I be left with a weak faith barely standing on solid rock. I spent a whole semester last year telling myself that your glory would be revealed in my loneliness because I would realize my need for intimacy for you. Well, now I realize my need for intimacy with you, but I haven't done anything about that. I haven't marinated my heart in your word, I haven't filled my cup with your water, I haven't fully taken on your yoke. This whole time I've been supported in my walk through the fellowship of believers, but it's time I practice more fellowship with my father. My love for your creation will only go so far as my love for you. Hold my heart, oh Lord. Father, take my heart and seal it. Thank you for the blessing of community in which I find encouragement, and thank you for your faithfullness in which I will never be alone.

your son